Crazy that it has been a year, I really can barely believe it. The time has gone by so fast. I really just thought today would be like any other day and it was for the most part. The part that was different was every time I looked at the clock I would think about that day and what was happening at that time one year ago. It brought back a lot of emotions that I didn't expect to feel today. One of the first times it really hit me is when I thought, right now I was sitting in the ER room where I had just arrived and then there was people telling me what was going on with Josh. The doctor, the social worker, Norb, Matt, I think my dad may have gotten there while we were in the room to. It really was kind of a blur, I didn't get to see Josh before they took him to surgery but the doctor did come in and talk to me before he went to operate on him. It didn't look good and I just remember them saying stuff like "if he makes it through the night". I think I was in a bit of shock, sort of numb, not really sure how to react. Then there was later when after surgery things were really going down hill and nothing they were trying would help. I remember the doctors standing there with puzzled looks talking back and forth trying everything until they said his only hope was to go back to surgery. I was scared but by that time Josh had receive a blessing and even though things didn't look good at all for him I had to believe the words of his blessing, he was going to be ok. I had to look right into the eyes of the doctors who thought that Josh wasn't going to make it and who were telling me just almost that and think in my mind, I know he will be ok. Even when he died later that night and they brought him back, I had to keep thinking he would be ok. It was really hard.
I have been through some tough things in my life and this is certainly at the top of the list as I know it is for Josh as well. We are still going through it. The scary part is over, that is good. So now we are trying to adjust to life as it is now and focus on what he can do to improve and continue to heal his mind and body. He is ok, not like before but ok. He will still get better from here. He still has a long road ahead, but he is ok.
I really am truly grateful for everyone who has been there for our family. Especially for those first two months. Everyone who did anything made it easier for me to be there for Josh, and for my children to be cared for, for food to be on my table, for my house to stay clean and running smooth, for help with my kids homework to parent teacher conferences. Also for everyone who cared for me, to the people who made me eat and who stayed with me over night at the hospital and who made sure that I could smile now and then, and even laugh. I will never forget the late nights in the hospital conference(my room) room when we had to shut the door because we were a little to loud, thank you. I don't know how I would have kept going if it wasn't for the people who took care of me and my family. Last I am most grateful for everyone who fasted and prayed for Josh, I truly watched a miracle happen before my eyes those first six weeks in the hospital and I know it was because of them that he has done so well. This next year will be one with more healing and I am sure that at the end of year two that things will be really good for Josh. I will continue to write and post updates here and there. Thanks again, much love to all, Denise
