Memory laps

Josh is awake for the first time again, he doesn't remember being awake before. He answered no when I asked him if he remembered why he was here. I don't think he will remember much of his stay here in the ICU.  On one hand I hate for him to be wondering what the heck happened to put him here, but on the other he's not going to remember so do I keep telling him or wait until he asks me on his own. Hmmmm! Now that he is awake he is not to excited about having the tubes down his throat, he gags often. I told him he needs to relax and so he could get it out sooner, he gave me a funny look. The other day they found a small blood clot in his arm so tomorrow they are taking out his pic line and replacing it with a central line in his jugular, blah! I don't like signing papers for things like that! He is now off of the propofol which has the nickname the Micheal Jackson drug. He is also off the insulin drip and if he needs it now he gets a shot, which is supposed to be better. He has not had anything to help with fevers for about 36 hrs now and it is only slightly elevated. From what the doctor says it will still be a bit before he is off the ventilator, I am praying for this week! I think he will make it, his #'s are looking good tonight.

Josh is sleeping comfortable at the moment. I felt bad leaving him at shift change today, it is so much harder to walk out of his room while he is staring at me with so much to say but not being able to. I really felt like he didn't want me to go, it was tuff. I know his waking and getting the ventilator out last Monday was because I needed it. I needed to know he was in there and I needed something to keep me going for awhile longer. I am grateful that he had the strength to do that for me. Today I am grateful to Josh for being a fighter and not giving up. I am grateful for  his strength and courage, I am grateful for his life. Pray for him if you will, he has a long road ahead. Much love, Denise